So what did I feel and when? Well we have to go back to Christmas of 2008. He was home for several weeks over Christmas and New Years and it was literally one of the best holidays that we'd ever had. We spent so much time together. We laughed a lot and spent lots of time with family. It was just a really good time.
He was going to try to come home in February or March, but work duties were getting in the way. He was out of the country a lot during that time. But we kept making plans, month after month, but it just never worked out.
In April 2009 my internal husband meter, my spidey sense, was going off at an alarming rate. I strongly sensed that something was wrong, but I didn't know what. I was so desperate to get him home or go see him. I just felt like I needed to connect. I don't know who, what, where, when or why but *something* was amiss. But again, that connection just never happened.
We had a planned vacation to California for early July to see his mom for her 60th birthday so I knew that I would eventually see him. Waiting 6 months had happened before so it wasn't that big of a deal, but that damn meter never died away.
My daughter and I were meeting him in Atlanta and the 3 of us were flying together from there to Los Angeles.
We arrived first and hurried to his gate to meet him. I was so excited. He was one of the last off the plane and as soon as I looked in his eyes I knew something was different. I didn't know it then like I know it now, but bells, whistles and sirens were going off inside of me like a 5 alarm fire.
I tried to ignore it but the whole flight there I knew that the man who I saw at Christmas was not the guy sleeping next to me on the plane.
I just could not have imagined how different he had become.
See you back here soon!
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